I met with Mee this morning for our new “book club” meeting. Last month, I came upon The Case for Faith, and as I started reading it, I was inspired to ask Mee if she wanted to read it with me. Today was our first meeting, and we’ll be meeting every two weeks to discuss two chapters from the book. Today, we talked about why there is pain and suffering and if miracles really did and can happen. Throughout the course of the conversation, our discussion ebbed and flowed as Mee’s fears and uncertainties surfaced. After the meeting was over, Mee told me that I was an answered prayer...I told her that she, too, was an answered prayer. My heart had been burning and searching for answers, and through this opportunity to meet with her, my life is irrevocably changed...and it’s not necessarily of Mee’s doing...it’s of the Holy Spirit.

A few weeks ago, I put up a blog that...hmm...left me wondering if anyone actually read it. A friend from college read it and actually commented. But she was the only one. Joy told me today that I should post a new blog.

During the course of the conversation, the topic of election came up once again. Mee and her husband had read through Romans together, and she wanted to understand the doctrine of election. Through this discussion, I realized something fantastic about God and his amazing love. I realized how crazy He was.

God created humans to glorify Himself...even though He didn’t need us to glorify Him. But He did. He created a man and a woman. He wanted them to love Him, but in order to do so, He had to surrender bouts of his “omnipotence”. After all, what kind of humans would we be if we were created with an innate ability to love God that would never wash away? In essence, we’d be robots—mechanically engineered to love God—and not humans. So he gave them freedom because he didn’t want robots...even though He knew the risk He was taking.

Unfortunately, His beloved humans couldn’t contain their desire to be all knowing like God...and sin entered the world. And it was at that point that God’s heart began to break into pieces...because it was at that moment that He realized He needed to create a plan to reconcile His creation with Himself. He could no longer live in this world where sin existed. You see—God cannot be in the presence of sin. So He revealed Himself to His beloved creation through natural revelations...but their eyes were blinded, and they couldn’t see Him...they wouldn’t see Him. And instead of worshiping the Creator, they began to worship His creation. So he ordained a plan to save them...He chose a group of people to be radical—like Him. However, it wouldn’t be long before this group turned away from Him because He wasn’t enough for them. Even so...He loved them dearly. Whenever they repented and sought Him, He came through for them. One day, they gave up on Him and demanded a king be chosen from among them to rule...because what use is a king if you cannot see him or touch him? What good is he if he cannot go before them in battle and protect them? They rejected God as their king...so God gave them a king...three to be exact. But still...this plan was not working. And God’s heart began to break even more...they were punished for their disobedience...and God revamped His plan...and decided to take matters into His own hands...and sent His Son...and His Son became a man—Jesus who was the Christ. And it was through Christ—God’s own doing—that He was finally able to reconcile Himself with man...

God is crazy. He went through all of that trouble just to reconcile Himself with us! And yet...the craziest thing about Him is that He knew that He couldn’t save us all...and it wasn’t because He didn’t have the power to...it was because He yielded that power so that we humans could love Him...and by doing so, God took that risk knowing that He would be rejected because it would be worth all of the pain, heartbreak, and trouble to be able to reconcile Himself with those would find Him...

And yet we stare at Him in contempt...and we ask Him—how could you allow these awful things to happen? Do you know what it feels like? And God looks at us with the most endearing heartfelt love and says, “Yes. I do. I know what it’s like to feel pain and suffer...because I feel it every day, every hour, every minute, every second...I feel it because I love you all so much though many of You have rejected me, continue to reject me, and will reject me...”

Isn’t that a most beautiful story? God is amazing...and crazy. What kind of a fool does that? What kind of a fool possesses omnipotence yet chooses to create humans with freedom to love knowing that that same freedom would have the potential to yield the exact amount of hate and contempt for Him? Why would He submit Himself to such torture and rejection? Yes...Only someone who is crazy in love with His creation and will never give up trying to reconcile Himself with them would be that kind of a fool.

life has been busy lately...really busy.

• i finally took my GRE today. i didn't do as well as i had wanted, but i did perform at around what i had expected. that sounds anomolous, doesn't it? oh well...at least i got the score i needed to get into UGA. it has been a loooong three months, and i'm glad it's out of the way.
• i need to finish my statement of purpose and resume. it needs to be sent out monday.
• volleyball has been keeping me busy beyond reason. abe and i don't get home until 9pm most days. it totally sucks...even so, the girls are 12-2. we're doing aights.
• i had to pull away from the women's bible study for august and september. life has just been...gruelling.
• my father-in-law is sick...and this has been really tough on the whole family.
• i have not been such a great teacher...you know, that's what i hate about volleyball. i just can't seem to find the balance i want--being a great teacher and a great coach. i was nominated for teacher of the year this year, but i don't find myself deserving of such an honor just yet...<sigh>

anyway...that's about all for now. i'm ready for a break. my gosh...thanksgiving, can you hurry it up a little bit?